for thought

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life. -Proverbs 13:12

I think this fall is turning out to be a season of learning for me - both secularly and spiritually. The secular is pretty obvious (language classes); the spiritual is starting to unfold itself.

I have to admit that coming out of the summer, I'm out of balance - spiritually speaking. When I'm heavily involved in performing, my extramusical relationships get put on the back burner. This includes my Vertical relationship with God. Even though I still pray and seek God, it's not a daily occurance during these busy times. I have been blessed with some wonderful friends who know that yes, when I'm involved in a show, my time is limited, and is mostly spent with a select group of castmates for an intense period of time ranging from several weeks to a few months.

I realize that I have been uniquely placed in the SF music scene as an artist who happens to be a Christian. I do not see myself as a "missionary" to my fellow musicians; I don't wack anyone over the head with a Bible during rehearsals. Rather, I pray that I'm the exception to a lot of people's stereotypes of what or who a modern day Christian is - and that being a Christian artist is not an oxy moron; that it is possible to honor God with and through all types of art. However, when I don't spend the time on my own nurturing my spiritual side, it's more difficult to take joy in that role, and much easier to get bogged down in the "Singing is the be-all-end-all-of-my-life" mentality.

Tonight I met with a small Bible study group. We're doing a shortish study on the book of James...which is a very practical book. James talks about how to apply God's teachings to our everyday lives, and live them out accordingly. I think this is going to be a very good season of learning - and reminding - for me.

When I decided not to take a performing role this fall, I immediately felt at peace with that decision. However, over the last week and after many questions from family and friends, doubts and feelings of guilt started to seep into my brain about saying "no." After this evening, I feel at peace again. I feel that this is a time for me to draw nearer to God and examine some things in my own (non-musical) life which I need to address. Besides this study on James, I'm also going for a few Sunday mornings before service to a group which will discuss world views...and determining what exactly my own world view is in relation to different religions and even to my own Christian religion. Should be interesting.