Restrepo and War

On 11/16/2010, Staff Sgt Salvatore Giunta (Battle Co; 2nd PLT; 173rd Airborne) received the Medal of Honor for his actions in 2007 in the Korengal Valley, Afghanistan. He is the first living MOH recipient since the Vietnam War.
Part of his story is chronicled in the documentary "Restrepo," which I just watched. This very powerful film...is difficult to watch (at times), but should be required viewing for all Americans - unless you have any currently deployed family or friends. In that case, I would recommend waiting until they are home (do as I say...not as I do...). I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment. Anyway. It's available ondemand, but will also be shown on 11/29 on the National Geographic channel.

Also - very much worth reading is the book that goes along with the film (in a way): WAR, also by Sebastien Junger.

Restrepo official website.

H/T to Joe for the heads-up on the availability of the movie ondemand cable.

.....voicing my worst fears.....

my heart feels like a seeping wound barely starting to heal only to be knocked about and have the scab re-opened and bleed anew, over and over and over again.

i literally feel crazed. i can't focus, i can't remember sh*t, and left to my own devices for too many hours in a row i start to become lulled by the siren call of the spiral down back into the hole of depression from which i have been steadily climbing for months now. it would be so much easier in some ways just to sit down there than to try and function in normal society. thank g-d for therapy. and friends. and family.

mom is sick. the kind of sick that doesn't get better.
congestive heart failure, major heart damage, chronic kidney disease, diabetes, fibromyalgia: these are things that don't just "go away" overnight. or ever.
the chf could be managed for a while, depending on what stage chf it is - but we don't know yet. however, compounded with the multitude of other health problems, i am not hopeful for much. i wish i could believe in miracles, but right now? that is a sisyphean struggle for me.

i am scared that this might be our last thanksgiving.
i am scared that this might be our last christmas.
i am scared that we might not make it that far.
i am scared that every time i hang up the phone that that might be it.
i am scared of what will change.
i am scared of what will happen to my family.
i am scared of what will happen to me when you are not here to tell me that 'everything is going to be ok. i love you.'
i am scared. flat out.
and it sucks.