03 April 2008

Every now and then

My recent schedule has been:

Home for long enough to practice and perhaps fix dinner

Rinse. Repeat. Throw in a quick trip to SoCal. Rinse. Repeat.

This week was pretty stressful work-wise for various reasons, and I am just feeling rundown. Add to that the fact that everytime I'm at home, there is no peace and quiet (not a reflection against anyone in particular, just that there are 4 people currently inhabiting 1000 square feet). I've reached the point where I'm ready to crawl out of my skin. Some people are external processors - they need to talk things out. I am a good friend to these kinds of folks, because I am pretty much the opposite - I don't like to talk things out. Which means I'm a good listener..haha. And on those occasions when I DO talk things out, then it is because it is something I've been mulling over for a VERY long time, usually. But in order to process, I need to either get away from everything or lock myself in my room and re-alphabatize my cd collection (which I've been known to do).
(Side note: I don't qualify blogging as "external processing" as much as I think of it as "brain-dumping", seeing as I don't have to actually *talk* to anyone in particular. And I can edit myself.)

Praise the Lord for "Mental Health Days" and my boss encouraging me to take one.

and...here comes a brain dump now...I LOVE performing. But I hate having to miss important life things because I "already have a gig" MONTHS in advance. Seriously - I already have stuff on my calendar for MARCH 2009. WTF? I should be happy about this, right? And I am, mostly. But here's a snippet of conversation I was having tonight with Ty (he's currently on our couch): he asked me "What do you want for your life?" (Shoot, he could probably get away with asking me anything and I would answer. It's hard to hide something from someone you've known your whole life.)

Two things came to mind almost immediately, even though it took me a while to answer. But after some more prodding, my answers were:
1. I - EVENTUALLY - would like to get married.
2. I would like the freedom and flexibilty to travel.

That's it. Those were the two things on my list. Maybe if I (when I?) take the time to mull things over a bit, the list would grow...but, my gut instinct right now has just those two things on it. Now, I don't have any plans on #1 being fulfilled in the near future, but item #2 is definitely easier to implement in the short-term, but in the long-term (at least in my life right now) is harder...that flexibility wanes. Which frustrates me.

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