Modern $*&?@ Technology

Everyone knows how to work a telephone, right?

Well, I thought I knew how to work one. I mean, I can even use my handy-dandy, high-powered camera phone. Without consulting the guide.

So, I'm at work learning how to use the front desk phone system, because from time to time everyone helps out and covers the receptionists' lunch hour.

You wouldn't find as many buttons if you were standing in one of Kathy Lee's sweatshops.

M, the fabulously patient and nice receptionist talked me through "the phone." After at least 20 minutes of explanation, she pointed me to the cheat sheet and other helpful papers. Then, I sat and watched her take a few calls.

Here is an excerpt from my lesson today:
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M: When someone calls, the name of which foundation they're calling comes up *here*. Ask them their name and organization and then try their extension. Now, you have to say xyz name twice and if they answer go back to your call and press xyz extension. If not, go back and press these two buttons. If someone else calls while you are on line 1, line 2 will NOT light up, but it will show on the message board. THEN, you have to press hold, go to line 2, press hold, go back to held 1, try their extension and go back. You can press transfer twice to go back to the original. Now, if it's a board member calling---see the list in the book---you can interrupt a staff member. If the caller sounds fishy, screen them extra carefully. If it's meany Mr. X, try putting him through to so-an-so, but they might not want to take it, but you absolutely MUST NOT LEAVE MR. X ON HOLD for longer than 5 seconds!!! Keep trying extensions until someone agrees to talk to him. If all else fails, press the eject button on the upper left corner and yell until someone gets a ladder to peel you off the ceiling.

Me: um, okay.

M: okay, you try a call now.
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Well, let's just say on my first call, I forgot to screen, forgot whom the person I forgot to screen was calling for, and had no idea which buttons to push. M helped me out, and we had tag-team phone operations. Me stumbling over English, and M pushing buttons. And then...three calls at once! ACK!
BUT, on my fifth call, things went okay. I finally got the hang of it.

Now, I don't have to fill in for a couple of months. By which time I will have forgotten everything, I'm sure.