thursday thanks

Thankful for Taco Thursdays...mmmm...a haiku:

Homemade chorizo
Messy salsa dripping down
Tacolicious...mmm

behind on my gratitude

so, I was in Chicago for 4 days with my Dad. Just the two of us hanging out. Well, ok, he was there for work, but he played hookey, too.

I am grateful for those four days, as it's so very rare that just the two of us spend extended amounts of time together.

accentuate the positive

I think one small thing that will be a good practice for me to implement, is to have at something daily for which I am thankful. It's a way to retrain my brain away from automatically going to the negative.

Today's is most definitely fresh strawberries from Yerena Farms. I buy from them all summer long, and their berries are AWESOME.

hi

Hi. I am slowly in the process of healing from some deep wounds...and I think - as a wise friend mentioned - that journaling (ok, blogging) and getting things out on [virtual] paper might help.

The truth is that I have been very depressed, unfocused, extremely tired and generally not myself...which in turn brings back my anxieties and panic attacks...and I finally sought out some help about a month ago. Baby steps! It is a challenge, some days, to get out of bed..other days, it's okay...great, even. But I never know what kinda day it's going to be. Very strange to not be in control of one's mental state...but that is...changing, bit by bit.

I have been struggling with several different types of loss: the biggest and deepest one being K's death in October. That compounded with the lack of closure for a particular relationship to turn out differently; the loss of family companionship when my brother moved across country; weight-loss, and the mental side of that; and - to an extent - loss of faith. That last one is strange...because although I am struggling a great deal with my faith right now, at the same time, I cannot imagine being able to have gone through (or continue to process) any of the events of the last year without faith. So it's a weird state of being at the moment. Struggling, but aware that while *I* might be the one having trust issues...God is just waiting there. It almost makes it harder, in a way. I don't know. So much in my brain sometimes to sift through, but I haven't been able to focus on anything.

oh well...climbing up the ladder bit by bit...

One thing that has helped is music...listening to music (breaking out my old-school God-rock) and working on some new music (that I am excited about).