12 May 2008

Overheard: backstage edition

Earlier this week, I skimmed through my posts looking for something I had written last year. I found this forgotten draft - which is not what I was looking for - but which is very funny.
So...welcome to another edition of Overheard: Backstage. Some of these are from a show I did last year at this time, and some are updated from more recent memory. Enjoy!
"Yes, I eat toothpaste to warm up. But only a little bit, and only a specific German brand."

"Look - it's the Barbie brigade."

"EEEEEK!!!!" [4th grader to me upon seeing my 'scary' age makeup]

"If we were in Europe right now, we'd all be naked."

"What do you mean the orchestra left already? We've not done the last scene yet!"

"What were we going to look-up on youtube later - was it the Bug Porn?"

"This weekend's Motel 6 was waaay better than that last motel."

"Ladies - did you all remember to highlight your cleavage?"

Q: "Everybody decent in there?"
A:"Well...we're all clothed - but that doesn't really answer your question now, does it?"

"Now *that* was classy. With a capital Ass."

"The thing I love to do the most on stage is to sing a high-note. It's as good - if not better - than sex."

"Do you know how to juggle? How about learning so we can incorporate that into your trio?"

The phrases "That's what *she* said," and "Yo' momma" are casually and frequently bandied about backstage. As are various and sundry phrases capable of making a sailor blush.

The real choice expletives are reserved howver - at least in the women's dressing room - for use during the following activities: the application of false eyelashes; lining one's eyes with eyeliner; pincurling one's hair; attempting to buckle one's shoes AFTER one's corset is laced; and realizing one's tights are two sizes too short.

No comments: