party redux

So...reflections on the party last night. It was a great party. But I also realize that I have fallen, somewhat, out of the Conservatory/opera loop. Not that that is a bad thing, necessarily, but I'm also just out-of-touch with some people I used to be a little closer with - socially and professionally speaking. There was more than one occasion last night when I found myself "justifying" my life to people. "Justify" in the sense of, what I'm doing, since I'm not in any productions right now.

At one point, a singer friend of mine, P, called me out on it and said "You don't have to give me a progress report. I was just asking how are you doing?". And my reply to that was "Wow. You're right...but I just find myself in crowds of singers feeling this need to explain myself...defend my life." Which is ridiculous...why should I feel that way? Especially when I'm happy and enjoying my life - I shouldn't have to "justify" that. Not that life is perfect (it never is) but, I am joyful and God is good. And, it was weird to be amoung people I spent so much time with just a couple years ago, but to feel like a stranger amoung them at the same time.

Part of it, I know, stems from the fact that I am different. I would bet my right arm that I was one of only a couple - if not the only one - Christians there last night. And, as such, my priorities are (or, should be) different. I mean, for a singer, to not be singing anywhere - - - it's like...."what's the point in living?". Seriously. I have several friends/acquantainces for whom that is how they live their life, and it makes me sad.

Which is why I only stayed a couple hours. For, as much as I love these people - and, I do love them - after that amount of time I was ready to go home. I could only handle so much "singer-speak" last night, and while I did get to meet some cool new people, small-talk after midnight is not my strongest point.

I am, however, excited to reconnect with Kiki - we've not hung out in a while, and she is someone for whom I have always really....just had a heart. As she was hostess, I didn't get a big chance to talk with her, so we're (hopefully) going out tomorrow. And, I also hope we get to go jump the fire again this year.

Oh. And another random thing, I just remembered! Last week, I went out with The Queen for a late night catch-up session. We hadn't sat and talked in a while and it was really good to see her. So, we're talking, and out of the blue she's like..."I have to ask you....there is some gossip going around about you." I was like "what??!!". Come to find out that a mutual singer friend had asked her "Why is MezzoSF giving up singing?"

Me: "WTF..?"

The Queen: "Well...she said she a Certain Peruvian Tenor (CPT) told her that you weren't singing anymore or something..."

Me: "hmmmmmmm...interesting...."

I would venture to say that CPT and I are actually friends now, and I had the chance to call him out on this over the phone. His response was, "Actually, what I said was that you hadn't seen your teacher in a while." At the time, this was true, I hadn't had a lesson in about a month and a half. But, I had had a decent amount of gigs over the last couple monts. Whatever. CPT followed this up with "You know...I'm going to tell [that girl] some made up story about myself and see how long it takes to get around."

This is how rumors get started, people. Not good. I am pretty laid back...but the whole thing pissed me off. I got over it, but still...*grrr*.