Do you ever find yourself thinking too much? Sometimes I just get in such a weird mindset, that I can't help but over-think, -analyze and -do just about every thought that goes through my mind.
I feel like I tend to get this way more when I am super busy and not spending enough (or any!) time with God. It's like the balance gets so heavily tipped towards ego and self-absorption that I start driving myself crazy trying to do everything on my own.
I was really stressed this last week during rehearsals, because there is this one part in the music where I have to sing a note nearish the top of my range. I was doing fine up until last week. Then, we started staging, and it all went to pot. I freaked out and was like "why can't I get this now? ack" and have been stressed because it's a lot of pressure to hit your "money notes," especially when one IS getting paid!
But then, driving back from Berkeley last night and watching the sunset over the city, I was struck with the reminder that this particular note, is still just a note. It's not the devil, it's not the impossible task of Sisyphus, it's not gonna defeat me. God created this note just like any other.
So, while at today's rehearsal it wasn't perfect, it was better. I think because I remembered not to think too much. It becomes impossible to sing when one thinks too much. You have to know exactly what you are doing -- but not think about it. It's rather like, just be aware of what is going on, without making it happen. Hard to explain. And remember that music is a gift from Godk, and I should be using it to His glory and not my own. This does take a lot of pressure off!
Anyways. I had another person earlier this week tell me not too think to much. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should get a therapist, as seems to be the popular thing to do. But I realized, why pay all that money for someone to listen to me ramble, when I have all of YOU fine people who are out there 'listening' to me for free? Hee hee hee....
16 January 2005
in too deep . . .
Posted by MezzoCO at 9:15 PM
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1 comment:
i don't think you need a therapist. i do think you kind of nailed it on the head as far as the whole spending time with God thing. i feel the same overwhelmed sense about my job and even things i excel at when i haven't really had God in focus, when i myself become way out of focus. it's like trying to look at one of those charts with letters on it and guess what the letters are. spending time with God needs to be a two-eyes-open endeavor. i went through the same thing last week, going into work with knots in my stomach. wondering why i worked at MLT and what i have to offer this company.
and then i began reading in ezekiel about all these specific measurements for the Temple. how God cares about the details enough that he had a person go around and measure, then document the Temple so the people could keep all these things in mind. As if he knew the Temple would be burned down during the Maccabean revolts, needing to be rebuilt. Needing to be rebuilt again, thousands of years later, it is one of the things detailed as being important with the second coming. and the blueprint and building plans are thousands of years old. That really struck me. With Him caring about this meeting place that He described as His footstool... He cares about your high notes and wants you to hit them. But He really wants to know you and for you to know Him so intimately. So my encouragement would be to read some of the Psalms and in your downtime, craft one or a few of your own of this particular season and offer them up to God. Big hug. :)
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